even the word "cry" makes me cry

bismillah

i was wondering for couple of days
when i watch someone is crying, definitely i'm gonna cry too
tp sbenanya, lama dah benda ni, n this is normal to many of us.

tapiiiii it becomes worse!
why?
when i read "CRY"
my tears... (OMG)!

writing this post is burdensome

am i that broken? inside?

hating love song,
hating love story,
hating sad song.
hating sad story.

peace be upon u.

nak tulis apa yg jd kat court hari ni sbenanya,
tp...

cukuplah sekadar dengan ayat ni...
"binatang pon boleh bercakap eh?"
"dah diizinkan bercakap, pandai plak menipu"
have a nice day in hell man!

iktibar

this is a story of a friend of mine.

kami 6 org,
5 org rapat dari sekolah rendah..
diteruskan ke sekolah menengah with addition of 1.

lepas spm, semua bawak langkah masing2..
masih contact..
tp jarang2..
3 belum kawen,
2 org dah,
1  complicated.

**flashback in secondary school**
Alhamdulillah, my friends semuanya baik..
Allah jaga aku dgn hadirkan diorg ni la utk teman aku sepanjang zaman sekolah
kami sama2 masuk tilawah, hafazan, any pertandingan yg perlukn team,
kami akan masuk sama2..

but now,
masing2 dah 26 tahun..
masing2 dah ada cerita sendiri..
ada yg dah ada anak,
ada yg dah ada master,
ada yg dah keje,
dan ada yg Allah uji lebih dari kemampuan yg lg 5 ni...

back then, dia yg paling dicemburui,
good look, good behavior, good attitude
#perfect
#complete package

yup, dia lewat masuk u dari 5 org lg tu,
tp tu bukannya petanda dia rank paling bawah.
nope.
kawan baik kot.

semuanya started when she did her practical + worked at a local electrical shop
kami still jumpa, as we had promised each other,
at least, once in a year, buat reunion.
first, second, third, fourth reunion,
kami xnampak apa2.
semua still gila dalam sopan..
#normal us

with no warning,
without any signal alert,
her mom contacted me asking whether i knew about her daughter's prob
which i knew nothing

it's about marriage, man, love, dan any suitable words u can list..

oh, lupa nak bgtau, masa sekolah, kami ni acah2 student baik laaa..
xbuat disiplin prob, gang cikgu, tp still reti hormat cikgu..

back to the story..
mak dia cakap,
dia nak kawen,
tp mak dia xbg..

why??

bukan sbb mak dia typical malaysian mom, no
bukan sbb mak dia nak rasa gaji anak dia, no
bukan sbb mak dia kolot, no

sbbnya,
dia nak kawen dengan bos tempat dia kerja,
which!
dah ada bini
dah ada 4 anak

*ek eleh, relax ah, bini kedua ja pon~~
hellooooo

let us put ourselves in her parents shoes,
nak ke ko lepaskan anak yg kau sayang ke tangan lelaki yg panas baran?
nak ke kau lepaskan anak kau ke lelaki yg xtau hormat mak ayah

apasal aku emo??

sbb lelaki tu dah rosakkan kawan baik aku
i do believe kalau lelaki tu baik,
dia xkan bawak kawan aku ke siam, kawen kat sana!
dia xkan buat hal dekat rumah "mertua" dia
dia xkan sentuh! anak org!!!!
dan kawan aku xkan sakit sekarg..
gugur..

my friend completely depress now..
dengan mak dia, dia xnak cakap,
mak dia tanya, xnak jawab,
isolated..
berkurung dlm bilik,
makan mak hanta,

lepas tau hal ni couple days ago,
Allah izinkan aku balik,
aku n sorg lg kawan kami,
decided to go meet her..
mak dia izinkan..

mula2 sampai,
dia dalam bilik air,
mandi.
2 jam tunggu, still dlm bilik air..
mak ayah dia berkali kali panggil,
xkeluar..

kawan aku try pujuk dia dulu,
xda respon..
ayah dia gertak,
xda respon...
aku tipu dia,
cakap dah nak balik..
jumpa lain kali..

kami duduk luar bilik air diam2..
dia keluar,
no way to run,
dia terkejut,
tp laju dia cakap, kejap.

kami bg masa kat dia..
then, head to her room..

nampak ja muka kami,
dia terus menangis..
tangisan seorg sahabat yg humiliated,
yg stress dengan hidupnya
xpernah aku nampak dia menangis mcm tu..
aku ingat senyuman dia,
tp kali ni, hilang dah senyuman dia.

kami duduk dlm bilik dia,
bilik yg dah jd penjara dia..
tp aku faham,
mak ayah dia buat mcm tu utk kebaikan dia..
dia cakap dia stress..
yup, dr ucapan setiap perkataan dia,
she's blaming the people inside her home.
her family..
lelaki tu xda salah..
lelaki tu sempurna pd dia..

ni la kan, bila soal pasal cinta,
org ckp cinta tu buta,
yup, i do belive,
cakap la apa2..
semua salah..

dia makin kurus,
xda dah senyuman,
mata bengkak,

kami yg banyak bercakap,
ingat xnak cakap pasal apa yg jd pada dia,
tp kami xleh lari..
she knew that we knew..
nothing to hide anymore..................................................................................................................

girl,
please,
xguna give up your life for a man yg tak tau pun sampai bila Allah akan pinjamkn.
xguna menangis utk lelaki yg xtau hargai perempuan
kalau lelaki tu baik, xpa la.
ni dah sah2 lelaki tu xbeguna!
xdapat kat dunia pon xpa,
asalkan u are living in the right path,
it's ok la.. xkawen pon..
ada jodoh Alhamdulillah,
xda jodoh pon Alhamdulillah..
semuanya ada sbb..


boy,
if u really want to make a girl as your wife,
grow up first!
be a man!
ambik hati mak ayah dia dulu,
tunjukkan kesungguhan,
tunjukkan kau mampu,
kalau kau nak kawen 2 sekalipon.
ni isteri kau sakit, ko pegi cari perempuan lain!
buat kacau kat rumah mertua,
tepekik telolong mcm org gila,
ajak adik bradik gadoh,
nak tampa bapak mertua
belum apa2 kau dah tunjuk evil side kau
hoi, parents mana nak lepas anak dia kat kau!

tq man,
you had succeeded in making my friend suffer!
i hope u will be happy in hell.
curse you.
sincerely : kawan baik kpd seorg perempuan yg kau dah rentap hidupnya!

2017... already

Alhamdulillah, Allah bagi peluang, sampai 2017..

lama xmenulis..
tiba2 teringin.. catat.. mana tau nanti lupa..

2016.. tahun yg macam2 jadi..
2017 pon xkurang hebat..
awal2 tahun lg dah diuji..
harapnya,
mampu sabar dan terus bersabar..

aku rindu sana..
sometimes, i wonder, am i able to go there again..
to live there for once again..
to meet all the people that make me smile there..
to walk the same path again..
to eat fresh pastry and milk again
to wonder with no worries
to talk to strangers with no fear
am i able?
.....................................................

btw,
i already started a new journey..

i'm a teacher now..
tapi.. skolah swasta laaa..
aku xlayak pon sbenanya..
tp kuasa Allah kan..

at first, aku tekejut jgk..
sbb xpernah bayang nak ngajar bi..
tapi aku ambik la kan pluang tu,
sambil2 nak improve diri sendiri

yg lebih kelaka,
bila aku kene ajar SEJARAH!
s.e.j.a.r.a.h ok!!! form 5!
subject yg aku agak keberatan nak deliver..

tp tu lah,
bila Allah letak kita di sesuatu tempat,
cuba la kan..

banyak yg nak diluahkan..
tp xtau nak mula dr mana..

doakan aku berjaya dlm hidup..
keinginan sambung belajar still ada,
doakan aku dpt sambung belajar..
doakan aku mampu lahirkan pelajar yg berakhlak mulia
doakan aku jd seorg yg berguna..

for sejarah...
i'll try as hard as i can..
to make my children love it!

"today is tomorrow history"

p/s: senyum although there is no solid reason